Rubbing Alcohol

Here I am,inspired to write because I am pissed off.I don't feel as bitter as I want to be.I need to re learn the English language.I seem insincere because I can't choose or decide fast enough.My penmanship seems scatological because of my lack of personality,or excess of personality.I am obsessed with the fact that I am skinny and stupid.I confide in too many conflicting opinions and parties and groups and classes and clubs and meetings and concessions and recessions and conventions wearing a grand hat with drink in hand boasting of the hunting and organised past time activities these 17 years have served.A sterile bacterial success.I've been to a lot of poetry readings and more importantly,writing.I don't think and when I do,I forget.Chemicals are the thing of today,today ill take as man chemicals as I can get my greasy paws on,because this scent reminds me of you.Yesterday's scent is still here today,I'm beached,flat out stranded and obsessed.I've got to leave because you're still here in my air,playing with my sense of smell,invading my airwaves.I'm a reactionary,in a way.I just react to what others say.

Moronic Outburst

The barium never left me

cigarette burns in comforters

riddled with approach

cursed with welcome talents

I've never been so YES

I know exactly what i'm doing

it's all under control

i don't need any help

I'd rather not

please leave me

be control freak

I appreciate your concern

has gratuity been added?

set it down over there

handler of the gods

Winter Wood

[this is an excerpt from one of my dreams]

The crimson skies

above a haven of lies

black-clouds and grey cloak

he descends with a cold smirk

the clouds squeal

yes they do,through dying eyes

the kid's time had come

the kid had lost his woman to the world

the kid's time had come

his insides decaying with time

he asked the kid

-"last prayers,wishes,any?"

-None

I could wish to stay

I could wish to grow and gray

I could wish for her to be all mine

I won't

my words,they must explode in the moronic heads

my integrity,it must not shatter like how insufficient it is

my ego,yes my ego,must be resurrected

and then,her eyes must coruscate,brim with tears,

don't let them wither.please.

tears of joy,though,must shine when the kiss of sun supersedes her

tears of joy ,to quench my acarpous soul

tears of joy,she must move on like the wind.she will.

tears of joy,f heaven exists,her eyes are those

-Kid,hell exists everywhere

heaven somewhere,its all in you.

-No,soul-less thing,you don't get it,do you?

I want to be a tree,strong,broad and free

with the stationary irony

I want to embrace them,with my shade

as clean as black

I want to accept the him-whoever-whenever

and the her-the-her

I want to be a tree in their orchard

with their fruits of happiness which could have been mine

with their moments which could have been mine

with her love which could have been..well..

I could wish for it all...it wont come true.

my wished,without the veil of elegance

I wish I could cry,I laugh

I wish I could laugh,in this excruciating pain

yes,I have a wish,leave my spirit

to the world,let it be a wanderer

-Oh KID!..oh puerile THING!

get me some money,whisky and dope,will you?.I'll set you free

-I'm Underage for any of those,not 20.just fucking take me with you!

-you belong here,rainbows belong to the world

you belong here,the rainbow will meet another rainbow

you belong here,you belong here

but love does not belong to you

ditched by death,ditched,ditched over and over

oh the count? lost to oblivion

the woman?yes! what about the woman?

some kisses leave behind an eternal scar

NO MORE WOMEN,if not her.

He hoped someday the sun would smile

after all,dear,the cliche is that its day after night

with or without life.

The Insect Who Got Carried Away

I

THE WIND let him sail with her,

the insect with black wax-wings.

his motor roared a constant roar

but was blurred and dwarfed to a hiss

between the waves of cacophony,somewhere,

the hiss got stronger

as his unfettered wings chopped the air

with relentless will to blithely drop and hover

the wind was there and he was there

the symbiosis was just a skin stronger

envious green eyes shone at him

that lucky iron-monger!

II

THE WIND flew all through him now

but his blood flowed a foot higher

drawing a line of control,

right through his bloody chambers

discretion killed no spirit

discretion sowed the seed of awakening

the blood,the flood of spastic desire

eternal desire.

III

THE WIND carried him away,

up,5 flights of the erudition building

where his caviling body succumbed to the pleasure

blue or black under the brown mesmerizing sun,

some petards carry the right,spluttering brew

the insect got carried away.

the joss-stick had an orange glow to at its black edge

as the jougs anticipated a slender neck to a strong post.

IV

THE WIND retreated on reaching

the ebullient shine of its own source

the shine turned the wax-wings into ash

the wind came to an abrupt halt

THE FALL begins:-

down the vast,sprawling dark sky

the wind bloats the insect with heavy baggage

THE FALL continues:-

the insect drops like a boulder into a deep box of water

the wind drifts further away

the wind allows the insect no contact

pilots could call may-day

the insect could only fade away from her(the wind's) life

A silent thud,weeping and flailing lungs

a failing heart and an insect whose ego wasn't very smart

A neon bulb blinks,some cars squeal

an empty packet of smoky bliss

and a shiny gold bottle of malt kiss

THE FALL ENDS.

Breakdown

She looked so sad in sleep
Like a friendly hand
just out of reach
A candle stranded on
a beach
While the sun sinks low
an H-bomb in reverse

Everything human
is leaving
her face

Soon she will disappear
into the calm
vegetable
morass

Stay!

My Wild Love!

Fence my sacred fire
I want. To be simple, black & clean
A dim nothingness
Please
The sea is green
Smoke
With No Waking!

The Science of Night

Earth Air Fire Water
Mother Father Sons & Daughters
Airplane in the starry night
First fright
Forest follow free
I love thee
watch how I love thee

The War

Cold electric music
Damage me
Rend my mind
with your dark slumber

Cold temple of steel
Cold minds alive
on the strangled shore

Veterans of foreign wars
We are the soldiers of
Rock & Roll Wars!

There was preserved
in her
The fresh miracle
of
surprise

Accomplishments:

To make works in the face
of the void
To gain form, idenity
To raise from the herd-crowd

Public favor
public fervor

A quality of ignorance,
self-deception may be
necessary to the poet's
survival

Knowing

I

The Wolf
who lives under the rock
has invited me
to drink of his cool
Water.
Not to splash or bathe
But leave the sun
& know the dead desert
night
& the cold men
who play there.

II

Now that you have gone
all alone
the desert to explore
& left me here alone


Now that you have gone
or strayed away-

I sit, & listen to the hiss
of traffic & invoke
into this burned & gutted
room some ghost, some
vague resemblance of a time

Off-on, on and off,
like one long sick
electric dream.
This state is confused
state. Out there her life
like warm connectors,
plug into her soul
From every side & melt
her form for me.

But I deserve this,
Greatest cannibal of all.
Some tired future.
Let me sleep.
Get on with the disease


III

I will not come again
I will not come again
into the swirl
The bitter wine-soaked
stallion eats the seed,
all labor is a lie;
no vice is kindled in
these loins to melt
or vie w/ any strong
particulating smile.
Leave sundry stones alive.

Third PARty

People need Connections
Writers, heroes, stars,
leaders
To give life form.
A child's sand boat facing
the sun.
Plastic soldiers in the miniature
dirt war. Forts.
Garage Rocket Ships

Ceremonies, theatre, dances
To reassert Tribal need & memories
a call to worship, uniting
above all, a reversion,
a longing for family & the
safety magic of childhood.

!

Man on moon,wind in head,thousands dead
tempestuous winds rattle my arteries
drained off blood,sugar and dread
she reigns my arteries,owns my blood four chambers

A tepid,tenebrous veneer shields her soul,
naked,it could outclass the battle of Troy
Some whitesmith created mortals
THIS one's a phenomenon
a reminder that no one creates immortals,they happen

A phaeton of phantasm is all that guarantees her presence
I was consumed,digested and assimilated by your overwhelming significance
before our plural existence.
Sprinkle gun powder in my brain with those petard-eyes

I've Let you in my heart
I've let you in my head
roam inside my head,I won't let you go
symptoms of love,take a bow

Pert,pestiferous quanta of light blur my sight
it is dim,peevish and bright

Sweet wine hay making
sunshine day breaking
we can buy time
petering sickness,towering weakness
powerful weakness
sugar(ew!) weakness
homicide of loneliness
MEA CULPA!

Love is mere condescension,surreality
fuel for insanity
A contortionist
A ventriloquist
An interlocutor

A CONTORTIONIST
who twists himself to fit in spaceless vacuum

A VENTRILOQUIST
who shoots life into fastidious stones(pebbles)

An INTERLOCUTOR
who weakens and supports futility

but love is an insult,a misfit attribution to you
why!ANYTHING is!

you beat me out of me,
you beat love into me

That your eyes,voice and scent push me down an eternal abysm,
is an understatement
abstruse sound waves kiss my ears on my way down
this palatable essence of the kiss hastens my fall
the fall is FREE
the fall is ACCELERANDO
the FALL is my CALL

I do not find it in esse to say
that every word,every breath and every step of yours(:| hail the cliches)
sets off an inexplicable chain of reactions in my body

I FREEZE

My pupil dilates like an extra-strong gum(:|)
that's when your breath caresses my face

Your words set my soul ablaze
I acquiesce this arson
you metamorphose flames into salve
acidulous into fantabulous
death into life

From skin-deep to flesh deep to unfathomable
your unfeigned magnificence makes effortless passage through my mortal self

A vanguard of emotions is what vanquishes my mind when it sees you
it takes me to everland(glorified version 0.76 of neverland),nowhere street
it enslaves my speech,
speaks back-beat
Everland is poisonous blue skies and envious green grass
we don't need no artificial substance like that,DO WE?

I DON'T

All i want is the submission of my soul
to YOUR love,to love,to MY love

Absence DOES make the hearts fonder
it also makes my self less stronger
it makes the brain ponder-
those million words that hit your tympanum
Hundred eyes that peer
the sun that touches you wile i sit under the SAME sun
the air you share with strangers
what would happen if your heart submits to any of them,
what would happen if your love succumbs to them
arrant dread reflects the world in the mirror of my eyes..

:|


Kurt Cobain said-" i wish i could eat your cancer when you turn black"...the most twisted way any ROCK-song writer can say "i LOVE YOU"..:)

SRM(Static Rapid Movement)

It's stillness captured on a bullet train
It's eyes are sore and blind with pain

Stillness is such a flibbertigibbet!
He knows nothing but to jump from situation to another's limbs
he hops around throwing stones,balls and tantrums
he spikes opium and makes love to inactivity

My brain wants to absorb inertia too
of popcorns,big-screens and sun-screens.

Come here,
Come to me
get inside of me

It's a roller coaster ride,down the road of inactivity
it's drunken driving
it's cocaine climbing
Cannon here,Cannon there,cannon cannon everywhere
just not a drop to drink

What a past you've had mighty stillness
today,i pity your condescension
Looks like your shadow has swallowed you
or you swallowed it
DAMN! which is which!

a 40-yard shot..a 40 -feet miss!

Livid darkness embraced her with glee
She,my girl,had a heart which could not see
My love tried to find a way past her titanium
It broke my love and heart along with my cranium
i decided to slay..slay the cadaverous darkness
Ignominy stuck to me,it feared me
i flailed to understand her heart's idiosyncrasy
i failed miserably
The heart crafted pejorative voodoo dolls.
they winked at me once and winced at me next
that flagrant flippancy killed me twice and
the hundredth time i died i came back to life
i don't know which is which.
i wondered why this oeuvre wasn't held by an easel.

She could start a pogrom against the male race
she would make a perfect slaver
but no! she is what is grace.
"i am not worth you" she said
BOY! wasn't THAT the bromide!
this is not a panegyric
this is not a lament
this is but tantamount to the vacuum in my heart-tent
i LOVED that heinous perpetrator
i LOVED that hedonism-generator
its what i wanted.
My ears weren't blind
My eyes were deaf
MY heart was broke,it's eyes were sore
you know not what runs through my veins
the fools and the sages united on this one
they said it was someone else's life

My soul is gone
My love is gone

I Just Love all this TOO much.
It was selfishness blended homogeneously with everything else
you didnt mean the world to me
you didnt mean the life to me
you didnt mean anything to me
you never did..

world,life and "anything" won't be enough.


:S

Soul-paralysis

The day I left the beach

A hairy Satyr running
behind & a little to the
right.

In the holy solipsism
of the young

Now I can't walk through a city
street without eyeing each
single pedestrian. I feel
their vibes through my
skin, the hair on my neck
-it rises.

Ordinary Man

Can you dig it.
My meat is real.
My hands - how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair - so twined & writhing
The skin of my face - pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No

The Politics of ecstasy are real
Can't you feel them working
thru you
Turning night into day
Mixing sun with the sea.

Welcoming Requiem

Come
for all the world lies
hushed & fallen
green ships dangle
on the surface of
Ocean, & sky-birds
glide smugly among
the planes
Gaunt crippled houses
Strangle the cliffs
In the East, in the cities
a hum of life
begins, now come

Counter To That(ode to the south)

I am troubled
Immeasurably
By your eyes

I am struck
By the feather
of your soft
Reply

The sound of glass
Speaks quick
Disdain

And conceals
What your eyes fight
To explain

Power

I can make the earth stop in
it's tracks. I made the
blue cars go away.

I can make myself invisible or small.
I can become gigantic & reach the
farthest things. I can change
the course of nature.
I can place myself anywhere in
space or time.
I can summon the dead.
I can perceive events on other worlds,
in my deepest inner mind,
& in the minds of others.

I can

I am

I am a guide to the Labyrinth

Monarch of the protean towers
on this cool stone patio
above the iron mist
sunk in its own waste
breathing its own breath

Singing,Running,Knowing

Shrill demented sparrows bard

The sun into being. They rule

dawn's Kingdom. The cars -

a rising chorus - Then

workmen's songs & hammers

The children of the schoolyard,

a hundred high voices,

complete the orchestration

An appearance of the devil

on a Venice canal.

Running, I saw a Satan

or Satyr, moving beside me

a fleshy shadow

of my secret mind. Running,

Knowing.

Seraph-Like Death

He sat there like a space vehicle,waiting for the countdown to cease and then to blast off from where it had been stationed.His eyes were fixed on the book titled "Micro Economics".This book was where his mind sought refuge from the tritest of subjects and in direst of times-the stupor after a long twenty minutes of "numerical bombardment" on itself-he wished the self-imposed,cilice like torture flushed out all his sins from his soul-but there it was,literally,right under his nose,repelling its beneficiary like a whore.The subject,the book was as pretty as ever,it turned him on this time like ever,but the fact that it had been used by him far too often to satisfy his lustful desire to do something interesting,forced him to force it out of his head.He said to himself 'practice makes the act boring' and brought a crooked smile to his light brown eyes,merely by concoction-not because it was a fake smile,because he felt too lazy to stress few 100 muscles on his face in the process.This smile never failed to embezzle the love of the prettiest girls in school,the kind of smile that was used to turn them all down after a period which he liked to call "probational experimentation",the kind of smile which abetted dextrous escape from his teachers' wrath.a simple,subversive,sophisticated smile.His bored eyes craved electrocution and the unsavoury rejuvenation which lunatics tasted after a 'shock treatment'.He liked paradoxes and wanted to reach this momentary Nirvana the simplest way,which he learned he could succeed in by allowing his eyes a vision which is placid yet powerful,plain but profound,senseless but sensible,rock but POP.He opened his windows to the darkness of his orchard and learned why night is a universal solvent.A blend of life and death hit his tympanum,and later stimulated his brain.The frogs sang like a bunch of wannabe vocalists and the crickets clearly seemed to dislike the wannabes.The roar of a chainsaw hitting some lumber,whinged and worked as an anticlimax to each of the frogs' verses.For the first time,he knew what death sounded like,like the sound of an estranged timber hitting the earth,like the ripping sound of the chainsaw.As the moist breeze kissed his cheeks,he contemplated the darkness and the ecology dissolved in it.Was that the darkness of ignorance?-The cacophonous symphony of life and death sounded more like a farrago and not a homogeneous blend.He felt that the blackness of the orchard and the apparent nothingness forced him to ignore the speechless fauna and the silent flora-was that darkness a shield?-the darkness did,to certain extend,make the common preys invulnerable to the hunters-was that the darkness of death-contrary to that previous thought,there was some food-cycle-related ingestion dynamics going on out there.The last thought eliminated his qualms about this contemplation as it threw light on HIM.was that the darkness of life?the nothingness and meaninglessness of life?the futility in ruminating unpalatable and defecated subjects? he fixed earphones that extended from his mp3 player and heard "OMERTA" playing through his mind,body,heart and soul.DEATH metal.he thought.

JOGA BONITO

"football does not build character,it eliminates the weak"

Some call it soccer,some call it fussball,he(Edson Arantes Do Nacimento) called it JOGA BONITO.To few it is bunkum,a mere game.To few others its RELIGION,LOVe and all those good things crammed in a beautiful sport concept-"FOOTBALL/SOCCER".The roots of the concept,the place of origin is unknown,though modern Association football was codified in the year 1863 in England.Now,the 'phenomenon',the 'Love' is worldwide and it is 'general knowledge' that it befits the phrase "the world's favourite game".The effect it can have on the players is magical.To them,the field is a ballroom,the ball,the "belle of the ball",the most sought after and the most beautiful girl.The strikers,the midfielders,the defenders,the goalkeepers,invariably lose themselves in the high that it gets them for a regulation time of 90minutes.Intoxicated,inebriated,thier feet dance with the 'belle' and to the tune of their crave for victory.The only thing that could get Diego Maradonna high (apart from Marijuana) was this,The only sport which has the high-est potential to unite people is this(soccer cuts across class,religion and knows no boundaries).To the players-there's a goal,there's a ball and its success when the ball hits the back of the net of the goal.

'Moshing' is a term synonymous to rock concerts.Audience at Live Concerts aggressively push or slam into each other in an area in front of the stage called a 'mosh-pit'.A soccer match is very much like a Rock concert in this sense,only in its case players are the band members,their soccer it's music and the gallery,the 'mosh-pit'.The sheer popularity of soccer around the world and hooliganism are to be blamed for the major disaster that can befall soccer matches.Soccer attracts people like moth to flame.The moths(read people) get intoxicated by it and indulge in verbal warfare,which is only a prologue to brutal 'physics' that follow.The 1984 Heysel Stadium disaster is an epitome of this malaise.The tragedy goes hence-Liverpool won the cup against Roma on penalties.After the game,Roma fans assaulted Liverpool fans.It was so bad that Liverpool fans going back to their hotels required police protection.Such intensity and problems such as these arising out of the same are not foreign to football,but these are inevitable in a sport like football,where the fans dont just watch it for leisure but worship the game!.

It is a shame that a country like ours,which is very much in the silk route of modern Globalised world,has insulated itself from the world's most popular sport.The Denizens of India 'suffer' from an "axiomatic assumption" that Cricket is a better game(some think it's the best),and is unwilling to accept that soccer is, in fact,a much shorter,sweeter,simpler and beautiful sport.Ironically,these 'chauvinists' have rarely,even watched a game of soccer!.It is hence,no surprise that the robust,developing and the 'most promising' country in the world is still a haven for prejudices such as patriarchy,casteism,communalism et al.The football cognoscenti finds it surprising that a diverse country like India,with a large population and plural ethnicity finds it hard to form a professional team which can break into the top 100 in the FIFA world ranking.Probably,they would not be so astounded if they come to know about the REAL India,an India where people are ardent cricket fans,an India where very little has been done to spread awareness/beauty of the game and therefore finds it impossible to tap the latent talent,the Indian mind which is prejudiced to the brim and is blinkering.All India Football Federation has a trophy case with a 'silverware' tally of zero.Bhaichung Bhutia,Sunil Chettri,Pappachan Pradeep,Climax Lawrence are less known people in India (members of the Indian Football team)whereas Sachin Tendulkar,Dhoni,Dravid are demi-gods.The reasons for this ineptitude and less-familiarity of the team are simple,comprehendable-when the cricket officials spend whopping amounts for the maintenance and building of stadiums(BCCI spent around$120 million on a new stadium in Rajasthan),their football counterparts are reluctant to spend even on very basic football infrastructure,skewed Indian minds (cricket-only people) and inability to recognise and tap latent 'footy' talent.Compare all this to the western scenario where coaches vist the remotest areas in search of Football talent(Latin America),where the government takes initiative to set up soccer schools (England).One could argue that the AIFF lacks funds,but hey! traveling to remote areas in search of talent requires only job-sincerity and commitment to the job,not much money.Once,talent has been efficiently tapped and atleast one soccer-training facitlity,set-up,the team tastes victory,funds grow,players improve.This will inturn encourage people to aspire for a place in the team and thereby sow the seeds for the growth of soccer in INDIA.when I lament that soccer has failed to find a place in the hearts of Indian sport-aficianados and would find it difficult to do the same in future,it is not maudlin,its real.

There is no greater game than soccer that exemplifies team spirit,along with skill,stamina,persistence and endurance.This could be a reason to soccer's improving popularity in India.More people have started playing soccer in India.Soccer teams have started becoming more popular amongst the young polulation.Cricket indeed has earned his position in the hearts of the Indian people,but for the 'tree of soccer' to grow in India and spread its branches,it is a sine qua non that Indians give it a status atleast equivalent to it.Every sport is a discipline and to relegate its status by any means is crime.Cricket is a discipline and so is soccer.

Paradoxically,Soccer's 'arch-adversary' in India, finds itself powerless,enervated in front of the sport-colossus,almost like Superman exposed to KRYPTONITE.Soccer is undisputedly one of the richest sports in the world and comprise the richest sports teams in the world(Manchester United,Real Madrid etc.).There are hundreds of International teams,thousands of professional players and miliions of rookies who play soccer.It is also impossible that a sport like cricket,(less followed,less loved worldwide) will purloin this status from 'Futbol'.I belong to that exiguous population of soccer-lovers in India.Soccer,therefore is one of those raison detre's' to me.There is a lacuna in brand "global India",this can be filled only by the inception of soccer in India.It is encouraging,though,to see a 'bullish' trend in the numbers of soccer-lovers in India and wise defectors (cricket to soccer) among the Indian Population.AFC challengers cup trophy 2008 found it's place in the hitherto-null trophy case of AIFF.This has provided a fillip to the mission of spreading 'SOccer LovE'.Some business giants have also joined the AIFF in funding district and state level tournaments,which is a decentralisation strategy for the familiarising of soccer.I stand as a pars pro toto of the soccer cognoscenti,soccer loving population and wish that some force would bring the popularity of the game up in future so that we wouldnt have to shamefully hang our heads in pique when someone says "hey!the Indian national soccer team are a bunch of rookies".i wish that someday we can hold our heads high and boldly shout "India's is the best soccer team!".I believe "YES WE CAN!".